:: Home :: FAQ:: Search :: Memberlist :: Usergroups :: Register :: Profile :: Log in to check your private messages :: Log in ::

Google
The Day the Forum Upset Tatu (R) ANYONE CAN POST A CHP!
Goto page 1, 2, 3 ... 10, 11, 12  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Tatu Forum Index -> Tatu Writing
View previous topic :: View next topic  

Good Idea?
No.
1%
 1%  [ 1 ]
Yes!
57%
 57%  [ 30 ]
We'll see.
5%
 5%  [ 3 ]
Bring back The Day Ivy Upset Tatu!
34%
 34%  [ 18 ]
Total Votes : 52

Author Message
Russianmusicandlove

 


Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: ^t.A.T.u.Overlord^

Joined: 07 Oct 2007

Posts: 3041

Post subject: The Day the Forum Upset Tatu (R) ANYONE CAN POST A CHP! Reply with quote
Okay. So.

About a year ago, there was this genius story going on the forum called The Day Ivy Upset Tatu. Unfortunately, halfway through it's posting, a new rule came about that you couldn't put other forumers in your writing. Thus, the best fanfiction evarz was destroyed.

What made it the best?

Everyone could contribute.

I began the story as a UC, but somehow, it got added on to. The story continued as a massive collaboration that involved pretty much any good writer you can think of.

As much as I'd like the old story to return, I understand the policy, and so perhaps we can get away with simply creating a new one! Grin

Here's the rules:

1. Anyone can add on to this story, so long as it connects in some way to the story posted by the previous writer.

2. By posting your contribution, you agree to having yourself put into later segments of the story.

3. You CANNOT mention a forumer who has not already put themselves in this story. (Obviously, Lena and Yulya are free game.)

4. It's rated R for now, so language is free. If for some reason someone wants to post something that would up it to NC-17, please PM me prior to such posting and I'll change the rating.

5. YOU DON'T HAVE TO POST PART OF THE STORY TO COMMENT ON THE STORY. Likewise, commenters do not agree to be put into the story simply by commenting. They must expressly say, "Hey, put me in!" Or they must post their own segment. Comments about the story are appreciated here as with any fanfiction elsewhere.


~

I hope this is not a violation of some forum rule I've missed somewhere. If it is...well, oops. Without further ado!

*****

Lena and Yulya sat across the table from one another, waiting for Yulya's laptop to boot up.

"I hope management is just sorely confused." Lena clucked worriedly.

Yulya grinned. "I don't. I love controversy."

Lena shook her head. "Russianmusicandlove was trouble from the start. If she's really done this-"

"She has!" Yulya brightly clicked open the new topic on Tatu.us. "It's right here, clear as day! The Day the Forum Upset Tatu!" Yulya proceeded to giggle.

Lena crossed her arms over her chest. "I see nothing funny about some whacked out fangirl trying to upset us!"

"Lenka, she's only upsetting you because you're letting her! Look at me! I'm not upset!"

Lena turned the laptop so that she could read the first entry on the screen. A small smirk formed across her face. "Oh you aren't? You will be."

"What? Why?" Yulya's laughter died down immediately.

Lena cleared her throat and read, "I, Russianmusicandlove, do not think so highly of Yulya Volkova these days. To what lengths will she go to just to please that Mongolian Monkey she left our dear Elena for? Her lips appear to be some cruel joke, as though constructed by a drunk clown too shnockered to realize her face wasn't a balloon animal."

"Well I never- Lena! That's not funny!" Yulya swatted Lena as the redhead continued her laughter.

"Oh, but Yulya, you didn't want me to be upset! And now I'm not!"

"We'll see, Ms. Katina." Yulya glowered. "After all, someone is bound to reply to RMAL's post."

******


Last edited by Russianmusicandlove on Tue Nov 17, 2009 6:42 pm; edited 5 times in total
PostTue Jul 07, 2009 12:45 pm
View user's profile Send private message
volchiseO1

 


Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u. Maniac

Joined: 26 Aug 2008

Posts: 356

Post subject: Reply with quote
RMAL. You're brilliant. Finding loopholes. Grin Loveeee it.

_______________________________________________________


Lena hit the refresh button. "Well, damn. That was fast."

From afar in the kitchen, Yulya rushed over, a granola bar in her mouth, "Who? Who posted?"

"VolchiseO1," the redhead said under her breath, "She seems to still like you. However impossible that idea may be at this point."

Yulya swatted her playfully, "That isn't nice now, is it?" She took over her laptop and sat in Lena's lap, perusing over the last forumer's reply as Lena set her chin on the other's shoulder. The brunette smiled. "I like this kid."

"She's bluffing."

Yulya shook her head, "No. No, this actually seems legit. Even though they're friends, they can have different opinions, Elena."

Scoffing, Lena read, "Dearest comrade, Russianmusicandlove, it is simply Yulya's choice to date Parviz. We should be happy for the couple. If she is willing to change so much for him, then that clearly means she must love him immensely to try to do things to please him. Even if that means she looks like Donatella Versace. As far as leaving Lena, well fuck. Would you want to be affiliated with the same person after 10+ years? Keep in mind they've known each other since Neposedi. That's a helluva long time to take Lena's soft demeanor. I'd be steps away from strangling myself to get more of a rise out of the redhead." She cocked an eyebrow at Yulya, "Don't tell me that something doesn't sound wrong in that."

"It doesn't," the cocky girl sported a wide grin, "Now you're just pissed off again because someone doesn't like you."

Lena flung her arms in the air, getting out of her seat, forcing Yulya to set the computer back down on the office desk in front of them.

"Christ, what now?"

Lena put a hand on her hips, "She thinks you're changing for him. You should be the one who is still pissed off."

Scowling a bit, Yulya nodded her head in agreement, "Okay, fine. Yeah, I was a little pissed off at first. The lip thing was my idea. For the record, Donatella did warn me it might not work, and I could end up like her." She bit her bottom lip before sitting back down and taking the computer again, "But still. VolchiseO1 tried to defend me." She shrugged, "The kid seems like good news. She's cool enough to put the letter O instead of a zero in her screen name." Yulya clicked around for a bit before letting out a small chuckle, "See? She thinks it looks cooler."

Scoffing again, Lena simply stormed off, yelling, "Don't change the subject, Volkova. Someone else is bound to answer and then we'll see, really start to see what majority thinks about us."

*****


Last edited by volchiseO1 on Tue Jul 07, 2009 2:31 pm; edited 1 time in total
PostTue Jul 07, 2009 1:21 pm
View user's profile Send private message
IvyRevolution

 


Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: Administrator

Joined: 02 Dec 2006

Posts: 3879

Post subject: Reply with quote
Volkster and I have talked it over. All of you are banned.




Okay, kidding.

The rules are fine. As long as everyone sticks to them and keeps this fun, everything is fine. Thanks for starting this, RMAL.
PostTue Jul 07, 2009 1:57 pm
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
BeatsOfDrums

 

Age: 32
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u.Worshipper

Joined: 12 Jan 2007

Posts: 922

Post subject: Reply with quote
me thinks this is brilliant. Grin
_________________
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
PostTue Jul 07, 2009 2:12 pm
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
Lynnie

 

Age: 36
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: ^t.A.T.u.Overlord^

Joined: 13 Jun 2003

Posts: 4669

Post subject: Reply with quote
I'll be posting a chapter probably tomorrow! I've got to meet some hotties tomorrow!

If any of you want to go a head and mention me feel free!
_________________
SEVEN YEARS
Life is what you make of it.... So do something fabulous!
PostTue Jul 07, 2009 2:36 pm
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
YaVernuz

 

Age: 30
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: ~t.A.T.u.Guru~

Joined: 18 Jul 2005

Posts: 2026

Post subject: Reply with quote
Meanwhile, the man who was previously referred to as Mongolian Monkey, seated himself in the huge dark-green couch. A brunette sat across him, a somewhat annoyed look across her face. Parvis Yasinov shrugged and accepted the Kleenex tissues the brunette handed to him.

"I j-j-just don't know anymore." He sniffed, "Everybody is always going on about my wife's lips, and -"
"Which lips?"
"How do you -" Parvis frowned, "Are you even allowed to say that?"

The brunette held up her hands in defense.

"I'm a psychiatrist." She smiled, "You can't paint a clear picture of a fuzzy object."
"What?" Parvis frowned again, "I'm not sure whether I -"
"It's okay, continue."
"Look, ms., um..."
"Mariën."
"What sort of name is that?"
"An epic one."
"Well, where is your diploma? I see a lawyer diploma, books with your names on, an own clothing line that produces cool belts, but..."
"Don't worry. I'm a pro in relationships."

Parvis blew his nose once more, and pulled out a notebook, glaring at the psychiatrist evilly.

"It all started with that goddamn .us forum!" He yelped, "Them dumb fans calling me monkey! Making fun of me! Idolizing that redhead and my wife! Then blaming me for her lips!"
"Well, they do look a bit odd." The psychiatrist murmured, while doodling an image of a crossing from Parvis and a monkey on her notepad.
"The other pair looks fine." Parvis defended his wife's features.
"Well," The brunette sighed, "How about you start telling me how this .us forum you speak of, influences your relationship."



And so, the dramatic life story of Parvis Yasinov started taking form as he sobbed the past events to the psychiatrist.
_________________

Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth.
PostTue Jul 07, 2009 3:35 pm
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
Russianmusicandlove

 


Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: ^t.A.T.u.Overlord^

Joined: 07 Oct 2007

Posts: 3041

Post subject: Reply with quote
LOL! Volchiface and Waffles- win.

Grin
PostTue Jul 07, 2009 4:05 pm
View user's profile Send private message
NotGonnaGetUs32

 

Age: 26
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u.Master

Joined: 09 Jul 2007

Posts: 1358

Post subject: Reply with quote
VOLCHIIEEEZZ IS MAKING ME POST.
but due to my laziness and lack of focus at the moment, i shall post it up later Grin

this is genius.
_________________
PostTue Jul 07, 2009 4:35 pm
View user's profile Send private message
Jan1551

 

Age: 29
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u.Fanatic

Joined: 01 Mar 2009

Posts: 658

Post subject: Reply with quote
This. Is. Brilliant! *checks yes on poll* Grin
_________________
Jan: You are just dishing out the compliments today! *thinks only I get this kind of praise from you*

r.: it's pure love, you dumb slut <3

Hilarious Banner July 30th 2009 - November 5th 2009. R.I.P.
PostTue Jul 07, 2009 4:38 pm
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
gamesfreak26

 

Age: 29
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u. Addict

Joined: 05 Apr 2004

Posts: 294

Post subject: Reply with quote
I quite like this idea. Smile
_________________

My Anime List
The one and the only tatufreak+lpfreak.

Thank You to the special person who made my banner and avatar. You know who you are.
PostTue Jul 07, 2009 4:52 pm
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
WalkingAngel

 

Age: 29
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u.Fanatic

Joined: 10 Jun 2008

Posts: 623

Post subject: Reply with quote
Officially I'm happy Smile and shall post eventually wanna let things start up and get interesting ^^
_________________
PostTue Jul 07, 2009 5:36 pm
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
Dj-Volky

 

Age: 29
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u.Master

Joined: 14 Feb 2008

Posts: 1313

Post subject: Reply with quote
bwhahahha im sooooooo posting next *opens magic notebook*

_____________________

How could things get much worse?

Lena scrolled down to a comment left by djds

I'll say this Yulia looked great before she met the mongolian monkey man , I for one totally dislike Parviz for a number of reasons

one, he's a dude
Two, he's a monkey
and three, I could totally kick his ass if given the chance.

I honestly think both Yulia and Lena would suck going solo , Im already taking a wild guess on who's going to fall first , if she ever reads this which I doubt , I'd say Yulia.


OH MY GOD WHO THE HELL DOES SHE THINK SHE IS? , Yulia yelled simply pissed off at dj's comment as Lena tried as best as possible to hold in her laughter.
_________________
21:13] CM: yay I can go in the shower now lol
[21:13] CM: why do i have a feeling u will post that
[21:15] DJ: ~WHEN YOUR NAKED IN THE SHOWER~
смертельное примечание
http://www.tatu.us/forum/viewtopic.php?t=20716

thanks jojotatu for the awesome banner
PostTue Jul 07, 2009 5:39 pm
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Christina-m

 

Age: 31
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u.Supreme

Joined: 23 Sep 2007

Posts: 1806

Post subject: Reply with quote
So I haven't read it yet but I saw the title and got excited: Me = Grin * good memories*. If anyone wants they can add me in to a chapter as a character. I don't think I am going to contribute to this one like I did the other (lol all three chapters compared to the many others from the better writers, I'm sure mine were looked over anyways :P) I'll just be reading the amazingness of the other forumers who post in here. Just wanted to let anyone know that if they want they can add me in their chapters I don't care, for this fic only though. Rolleyes
_________________


Come check out the only officially approved Lena Katina fan club in the United States ;-)
Facebook.com/LenaKatina.USA
PostTue Jul 07, 2009 6:00 pm
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
SweetSacrifice

 

Age: 27
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u.Fanatic

Joined: 01 Feb 2009

Posts: 784

Post subject: Reply with quote
this is awesome! Thumb
can't wait for the next update!
_________________


"Too bad you can't quote the look on my face." -Amy Lee

"It's OK to laugh at me, I only look scary." -Amy Lee

"Nobody's perfect. I'm perfectly flawed." - Amy Lee
PostTue Jul 07, 2009 6:43 pm
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
IvyRevolution

 


Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: Administrator

Joined: 02 Dec 2006

Posts: 3879

Post subject: Reply with quote
I only have one request if we're going to pull this off...

For those who are going to add their own chapter, can we please make the chapters a normal length? Don't just add a paragraph for the sole purpose of putting yourself in. Write a chapter of decent length to help move the story forward. Otherwise, it'll just be random paragraphs of people adding themselves and the story will go nowhere, which isn't very fun to read. Be creative, not self-aggrandizing.

Two Cents
PostTue Jul 07, 2009 6:49 pm
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
NotGonnaGetUs32

 

Age: 26
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u.Master

Joined: 09 Jul 2007

Posts: 1358

Post subject: Reply with quote
Okay! my turnnn
________________

Lena had been desperately trying to pry her friend from the laptop. She had been sitting in front of it for what seemed to be ages, reading comments left by forumers and filling the room with her rants.

“And check this one!” Yulia exclaimed. “Come on guys, it doesn’t matter whether any of us prefer Yulia over Lena, or Lena over Yulia, because Tatu is basically over. Yulia went off with a man that looks like something is permanently shoved up his ass, and Lena’s become…well…boring. Boring looking, boring acting, I mean…she was the epitome of sex years ago. But now? Meh. Yulia’s looking fine, minus the lips, but overall she isn’t any better.

Lena knotted her brow as she let the words sink in. Yulia, on the other hand, read the passage multiple times before fully understanding the words’ insulting message.

“Fucking English..." Yulia groaned.
"You've had how many years to learn it?"

Yulia waved Lena off, ignoring her comment.

"Wait,” she muttered, “Why are you the epitome of sex?”
Lena crossed her arms in defense. “What do you mean by that?”

Yulia swung the laptop shut and pushed herself up from the seat as she walked closer to Lena.

“I mean, I’m the one who’s clearly shown that I’ve been getting any action whatsoever. You, on the other hand...I mean...”
“And what do you mean by that?” Lena exclaimed.

Yulia rose her hands up with innocence and backed away slowly from the raging ginger.

“Chill, firecrotch. We both know it’s true.”

Lena walked over to gaze out the window and widen the distance between her and her friend.

“Whatever,” she muttered. Yulia was right. “So who wrote that anyways?”
Yulia shrugged. “Their screen name was NotGonnaGetUs….with a random 32 at the end.”
“Well that’s very creative,” Lena rolled her eyes. “Take one of our songs and throw a number in at the end.”
“Yeah,” Yulia said. “Not to mention that song was a bitch to record. If I ever have to sing any of those notes again, my throat will explode, and I’ll have to go to the doctor again.”
Lena shrugged, “Well maybe they can fix those lips while they’re at it.”

Yulia groaned, muttering something about taking a shower as she left the room. Lena now stood by herself, gazing at the laptop sitting a number of feet away. Perking an eyebrow curiously, she quickly strode across the room and plunged herself in the seat, swinging the laptop back open. Yulia hadn’t bothered to exit out of the page, mainly because once she came out of the shower, she would be back in front of the computer to check out any new responses.

As much as Lena detested reading other peoples’ comments, she couldn’t help but want to take a quick peek. After all, she was glad nobody had commented about her weight, or called her fat. However, there were no new responses left after NotGonnaGetUs32. She stared at the girl’s post, eyes wandering to her incredibly hot avatar that brought her back to Bomba Goda, before snapping out of it. Her curiosity guided her to the fanfic archive, where she noticed there were a number of stories from the writer.

“What is …oonce?” she asked the empty room, clicking a UC titled “oonce oonce oonce.”

It took a matter of seconds before Lena’s jaw dropped entirely, and her eyes opened so wide that she wasn’t sure if they would ever be able to close again.

“I fucked Yulia with what?” she exclaimed.
_________________
PostWed Jul 08, 2009 2:22 pm
View user's profile Send private message
Russianmusicandlove

 


Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: ^t.A.T.u.Overlord^

Joined: 07 Oct 2007

Posts: 3041

Post subject: Reply with quote
L.M.F.A.O.




Hey, Lena! You're a fatty!




(I kid, you sexilicious thing, you.)
PostWed Jul 08, 2009 4:03 pm
View user's profile Send private message
Lynnie

 

Age: 36
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: ^t.A.T.u.Overlord^

Joined: 13 Jun 2003

Posts: 4669

Post subject: Reply with quote
After the both reread the UC they rechecked the most popular read thread and noticed that a writer by the name of LynnieThaPooh decided to add her two cents in on the topic.

Come on guys! We shouldn't be so harsh. Everyone's got their vices. For example Yulia's lips are... Well... They.... -scratches head- I don't know.. I wonder if she was sucking so hard on Parvis' invisible icky monkey penis until her lips were perminately that way? Lena's vice? Welll? To be honest I can't think of anything other than she doesn't cuss enough. Her cussing is soo cute weither it's in English or Russian!

Lena looked confused, "Did I used to cuss a lot?" Yulia rolled her eyes, "At least she just said she just talked about you talking! She said I got my lips because of something that I WON'T do! Speaking of which, where is he?" She pulls out her cell and speed dials him.

The phone continues to ring and she starts pacing the room, "I bet he's having a hissy and has found some crack nutt to call and talk to!" Parvis doesn't answer and so she leaves him a voice mail, "Darling! The house is on FIRE," she screams into the phone before she starts to crack up, "No seriously it's not. Where are you? Please tell me you haven't been on the forum recently!"

She hangs up and looks at Lena, "I bet he's freaking. Poor Parvis." Lena shook her head, "You know, they are right about one thing." Yulia frowned and hated to ask, but did anyways, "What?" Lena struggled to keep a straight face, but failed as she replied laughing, "He DOES look like a monkey!!"
_________________
SEVEN YEARS
Life is what you make of it.... So do something fabulous!
PostWed Jul 08, 2009 4:57 pm
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
KatinasLove

 

Age: 30
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u.Supreme

Joined: 25 Jun 2009

Posts: 1524

Post subject: Reply with quote
NotGonnaGetUs32 wrote:
It took a matter of seconds before Lena’s jaw dropped entirely, and her eyes opened so wide that she wasn’t sure if they would ever be able to close again.

“I fucked Yulia with what?” she exclaimed.

LOL LOL LOL LOL


This is a great idea, btw! Thumb
_________________


*previously known as t.A.T.u-U.s.A.*
PostWed Jul 08, 2009 4:58 pm
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
Christina-m

 

Age: 31
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u.Supreme

Joined: 23 Sep 2007

Posts: 1806

Post subject: Reply with quote
NotGonnaGetUs32 wrote:
It took a matter of seconds before Lena’s jaw dropped entirely, and her eyes opened so wide that she wasn’t sure if they would ever be able to close again.

“I fucked Yulia with what?” she exclaimed.


LOL Perfect line.



Lynn that was ...um... well you said the P word and it brought bad images to my mind which I did not want Puke
_________________


Come check out the only officially approved Lena Katina fan club in the United States ;-)
Facebook.com/LenaKatina.USA
PostWed Jul 08, 2009 9:34 pm
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
YaVernuz

 

Age: 30
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: ~t.A.T.u.Guru~

Joined: 18 Jul 2005

Posts: 2026

Post subject: Reply with quote
Meanwhile...

"Aren't you going to take that phone call, mr. Yasinov?"

The psychiatrist gave her patient a confused look, as he stared at his phone screen in horror. He put the phone in his pocket again, and reached out for another box of Kleenex. The brunette sighed and continued writing another haiku as Parvis sobbed on.

"You should read the things those so-called fans write in their fan fictions."
"Oh?" The psychiatrist suppressed a yawn, "Like?"
"There are stories where it's pure about sex." Parvis sighed, "Some chick called YaVernuz has written like a fifty stories, most of them containing explicit sex." He added, "But that's not the worst part. There are other 'fans' who write about Yulia being transgendered, into Julian."
"That's," The brunette frowned, "Somewhat disturbing, maybe."
"They write about my wife and Lena fucking with glow sticks."
"Wha?" The psychiatrist's interest was somewhat triggered, "Glow sticks?"
"Yes!" Parvis cried out, "And then there are those writers who do nothing than finding pleasure in murdering my wife! In the most insane ways possible! I get highly uncomfortable of reading those things!"

The psychiatrist frowned.

"Excuse me?" She gave him a meaningful look.
"Okay, well, I get uncomfortable listening to someone read them to me." Parvis blushed, "It's not a big thing I'm illiterate. My daddy is a rich Saudi, he can hire people to read things to me. That way, we help the economy."
"I see, but mr. Yasinov, why would you want to know what they write?"
"It turns me on. Sometimes."
"No offense, but since you are Yulia Volkova's partner, don't you get turned on enough in general?"
"Well," Parvis crossed his arms, "After Sam's birth, we barely had any."
"Any what?"
"You know."
"I don't. I'm a psychiatrist, I'm not paranormal."
"Sex."
"What?"
"She doesn't want to have sex with me anymore." Parvis, "But I'm sure enough she's having sex anyway."
"How can you be sure of that?"
"I found evidence." Parvis announced proudly, "Lots of it."

The psychiatrist sighed, and tapped the pen against her notepad.

"Evidence?" She echoed, "Please elaborate."
"Condoms." Parvis whispered, "Lots, and lots of condoms."
_________________

Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth.
PostThu Jul 09, 2009 2:43 am
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
WalkingAngel

 

Age: 29
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u.Fanatic

Joined: 10 Jun 2008

Posts: 623

Post subject: Reply with quote
lol .... I wonder if their flavored or glow in the dark Wink
_________________
PostThu Jul 09, 2009 2:55 am
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
Christina-m

 

Age: 31
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u.Supreme

Joined: 23 Sep 2007

Posts: 1806

Post subject: Reply with quote
So I lied and am gonna post in this thing =) great update Ya Thumb


.....................................................................................................

*Flashback*

“Parvis, watch the kids, I need to go work on something with Lena.” Yulia said as she hurried out of the door.

“Mommy, don’t forget your candy wrappers” Vika said running towards the door. The blonde was too late. Instead of finding her mommy she crashed into Parvis’ hairy leg.

“Vika, what is that?” Parvis asked as his face contorted. Poor guy, trying to smile at Vika caused the unused smile muscles in his face to fail and instead he looked more like a King Kong version of Sean Penn from I Am Sam.

This scared the child and she ran off and locked her bedroom door. Parvis picked up the candy wrapper and looked at it closely.

“Doesn’t like condoms my ass.” Parvis whispered.

*Flashback within a Fashback*

“Yulia this is not going to work.” Lena laughed.

“Oh come on, it works in the fanfics.”

“Fanfics are FAKE. Not real.”

“Oh come on, even they know what goes on between our sisterly friendship… I say lets incest a bit, now hand me the glow stick.” Yulia said happily.

“Where is it?” Lena asked looking around.

“On the bookcase right on top of the Homosexual Penguin novel” Yulia answered.

“That story always puts me to sleep” Lena smiled to herself.

“Hey look what I found. I thought we returned this.” Lena said holding up a very shiny belt.

“I took it back, it is a cool belt; Ya has good taste, now glow stick”

Lena handed over the glow stick.

“And here for your softness, Glow in the dark condoms. Glow in the dark times two” Yulia winked . She was very proud of her amazing idea.

*End of both Flashbacks*

“You said lots and lots, that was just one condom” Doctor Mariën said with rolled eyes.

“I didn’t finish my story” Parvis replied with a small sense of fright in his voice.
_________________


Come check out the only officially approved Lena Katina fan club in the United States ;-)
Facebook.com/LenaKatina.USA
PostThu Jul 09, 2009 3:11 am
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
IvyRevolution

 


Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: Administrator

Joined: 02 Dec 2006

Posts: 3879

Post subject: Reply with quote
LMFAO!!!!!! Nice update, both of you!
PostThu Jul 09, 2009 9:47 am
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Volkster

 

Age: 36
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: C-Moderator

Joined: 19 Jan 2005

Posts: 4614

Post subject: Reply with quote
It's been a while since I laughed but you guys are pretty amazing for me not to!! All of you!
_________________
Thank you to Maraja for the banner and avatar

"There's love, there's hope ... for some. Hope that you'll find something worthy, that your life will lead you to some joy, that after everything ... you can still be surprised. Is that enough to live on?"
PostThu Jul 09, 2009 1:46 pm
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
SweetSacrifice

 

Age: 27
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u.Fanatic

Joined: 01 Feb 2009

Posts: 784

Post subject: Reply with quote
nice updates LMAO
_________________


"Too bad you can't quote the look on my face." -Amy Lee

"It's OK to laugh at me, I only look scary." -Amy Lee

"Nobody's perfect. I'm perfectly flawed." - Amy Lee
PostThu Jul 09, 2009 3:40 pm
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
BeatsOfDrums

 

Age: 32
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u.Worshipper

Joined: 12 Jan 2007

Posts: 922

Post subject: Reply with quote
LOLOLOLOLOL

nice updates. Grin
_________________
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
PostThu Jul 09, 2009 4:30 pm
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
Russianmusicandlove

 


Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: ^t.A.T.u.Overlord^

Joined: 07 Oct 2007

Posts: 3041

Post subject: Reply with quote
OHMYGAWD.

Homosexual Penguin! *tear* It has been revived! CM, that's win. Grin

For those of you interested, Homosexual Penguin can be listened to here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnsJgE1Uzbg

It was originally posted for The Day Ivy Upset Tatu as an in-story contest entry for putting Lena to sleep the fastest. Grin
PostThu Jul 09, 2009 5:02 pm
View user's profile Send private message
x-lulu-x

 

Age: 25
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u.Fan

Joined: 29 May 2009

Posts: 173

Post subject: Reply with quote
Pavris sighed,"There was a draw okay?"

Doctor Mariën studied pavris's expression,she looked confused."A draw?"

"YES! a draw don't you understand what this means?!",parvis wispered although he had lost sight of why he was here anyway especially now Dr.Mariën clearly thought he was mad.

"erm,no pavris i have no idea what you meant by that.you strange,strange, little monkey man",Dr.Mariën mumbled to herself not wanting to agitate pavris further.

"I already knew Yulia was cheating but i didn't who with.I first suspected Lena,it made sense,till I found the condoms what the hell would they be using condoms for??"Pavris freaked out throwing his arms around dramatically as if trying to pull the answer from thin air.

Pavris noticed that Dr.Mariën wasn't looking at him anymore but rather staring off into space.Focused on one spot on the wall as if trying to..."STOP TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THEY WOULD BE USING THEM FOR SMARTASS!"Pavris screamed.Dr.Mariën focused in again shaking her head.

"Condoms Pavris?I thought you were having a panic attack over",she stopped to sigh, "a draw?"

"Are you not listening to me at all!",Pavris quizzed."thats where the condoms came from,the draw!It's full of them....did i not mention that...",he trailed off.

Dr.Mariën noticed her patient's left eye had started to twitch,just it a little,it was very distracting.

"No you didn't pavris.",Dr.Mariën decided she'd had enough of this today."Say why don't we go for a walk outside pavris",she asked standing up.As both of them left the room,Dr.Martiën took two sharp steps back and quickly slammed and locked her door.

Pressing a button on her office phone she grumbled down the phone,"Becky please get security to escort monk...i mean Pavris from the building.
_________________


Last edited by x-lulu-x on Fri Jul 10, 2009 4:33 pm; edited 1 time in total
PostThu Jul 09, 2009 5:24 pm
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
Lynnie

 

Age: 36
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: ^t.A.T.u.Overlord^

Joined: 13 Jun 2003

Posts: 4669

Post subject: Reply with quote
Cute! I'll have a chapter tomorrow.
_________________
SEVEN YEARS
Life is what you make of it.... So do something fabulous!
PostThu Jul 09, 2009 6:19 pm
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
belochka07

 

Age: 26
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u.Supreme

Joined: 24 Oct 2007

Posts: 1487

Post subject: Reply with quote
This is too amusing. I had to add to this. Grin


Back at Tatu Headquarters

"Lena! Get your fat ass down here, Katina," Yulia hollered from the living room. "There's another update, and this one isn't so good."

There was a heavy thumping sound that resembled a herd of stampeding elephants, as Lena charged down the stairs. In fact, the redhead was so desperate in her quest to see this latest update that she stumbled and fell down the remaining steps. Yulia sat back and watched as the girl raised her head from the floor and groaned pitifully.

"Ow, my face," she whined.

"Can you do that again naked?" Yulia asked hopefully, biting her lip to avoid grinning. She failed miserably.

Lena glared viciously at the smirking brunette and rose to her feet, trying hard to maintain her dignity. "Shut up, Volkova. And for the record, I do not have a fat ass," she insisted. "My mother says I'm just shapely."

"Pfft. Isn't your mother on that new Subway diet?"

"Well, at least she doesn't have the lips of Donatella Versace!"

Yulia rolled her eyes. "Oh, sure! Make fun of the lips. That's so original," she replied, thinking back to all the previous comments she'd just read on the cursed forum.

With a long sigh, Lena joined the girl at the table to inspect the damage. "How bad is it?" she asked cautiously.

"Well, no worse than what's already been said, but still. Must they always be so brutally honest?"

"Would you rather they lied?" Lena retorted.

Yulia stared back at the girl as if she'd just confessed to stuffing her bra. "Well, yeah. You think I like reading these comments about Parvis resembling a monkey? I mean, what's wrong with monkeys anyway? They're perfectly lovable creatures. A little hairy and smelly, maybe, but I kinda like that."

Lena just stared back at her incredulously, and finally shook her head. "Whatever. Can you just let me read this now?"

Throwing her hands up in the air, Yulia replied, "Fine. It's your funeral."

Rolling her eyes again, Lena took a seat beside Yulia at the table and squinted carefully at the screen. "Fuck. I forgot to wear my glasses. Who wrote this?"

"I don't know. Some crazy Canadian with the username belochka07."

"These forumers really aren't creative with their usernames, are they?" Lena scoffed.

Yulia shrugged. "Guess not. You want me to read this out loud to you, Helen Keller?"

Lena nodded and cracked her knuckles, glaring at the blurry screen determinedly. "Bring on the squirrels!"

Yulia cleared her throat and struggled to read the English in a raspy voice. "'First of all, I think that whoever decided to give Yulia lip injections deserves to be brutally beaten with a stick. Though she's still pretty hot, the Volk has definitely looked better. Lena, of course, is sexy as usual. Even with pigtails.'"

"That was once!" Lena interrupted, her lips curled in a pout.

Yulia glared at her for a moment, and continued reading. "'And yes, it's sad that they're not still together but you know they're still secretly fucking behind Parvis' back. I mean, it is Tatu, after all.'"

There was a long awkward silence, as Yulia and Lena stared at each other cautiously.

"Not true," the redhead said finally.

"Nope!" Yulia agreed quickly. "Not true at all."

Lena coughed and scratched the back of her head awkwardly. "So...you wanna go take a shower together while we wait for the next comment?"

Yulia grinned and nodded eagerly. "Sure. I'll get the condoms."

And off they went.
_________________
Take me with you,
Without you everything just falls apart,
It's not as much fun to pick up the pieces...
PostFri Jul 10, 2009 2:21 am
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
SweetSacrifice

 

Age: 27
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u.Fanatic

Joined: 01 Feb 2009

Posts: 784

Post subject: Reply with quote
LMFAO
I love this story! Grin
_________________


"Too bad you can't quote the look on my face." -Amy Lee

"It's OK to laugh at me, I only look scary." -Amy Lee

"Nobody's perfect. I'm perfectly flawed." - Amy Lee
PostFri Jul 10, 2009 3:24 am
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
BeatsOfDrums

 

Age: 32
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u.Worshipper

Joined: 12 Jan 2007

Posts: 922

Post subject: Reply with quote
LMAO.

I'm still wondering about the condoms. And i agree, Lena would look sexy even with pigtails. Hmmm laugh
_________________
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
PostFri Jul 10, 2009 7:24 am
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
YaVernuz

 

Age: 30
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: ~t.A.T.u.Guru~

Joined: 18 Jul 2005

Posts: 2026

Post subject: Reply with quote
"You what?" The brunette yelled at Parviz, "You installed spycams?"
"Yes." Parviz said proudly, "If my wife chooses to screw some guy, I'm permitted to know who it is, so I can rip their balls off."
"Why do you keep referring to her as your wife? You're not married."
"Is that a big deal?"
"Well, psychologically speaking -"
"Look, stop with the psycho talk, Doc." Parviz hissed, "If I wanted such a conversation, I would have went to visit a -"

They looked at each other for a second, the psychiatrist eagerly tapping her finger to her chest.

"Oh." Parviz said weakly, "Sorry for that."
"Damn right!" Dr. Mariën hissed. She adjusted her shiny belt, and looked at him, slightly curious now. "So. Spycams. Where, why?"
"To see who she uses the condoms with!"
"And?"
"I found out who she used them with." Parviz gritted his teeth, "It was a shock."
"Was it Timati?" Dr. Mariën said a bit too eagerly, "I mean, with those hairy eyebrows, the similarity to you might be found."
"Not Timati." Parviz shook his head, "Nor Vladimir, Sergey, Andrey, Alexey, Igor, Yuri, Nikolai, Gregory, Ivan, Pasha, Pavel or Dmitry."

A bit dumbfounded, the brunette shifted in her seat.

"Then, um... Who was it?"
"Lena!" Parviz hit his fist on the table, "That goddamn redhead!"
"Condoms?" Dr. Mariën frowned, "Condoms between... C'mon."
"Yes!"
"For, like," The psychiatrist swallowed, "You know, a str-"
"No!" Parviz yelled, "Just look at the footage!"

He handed a portable dvd player to Dr. Mariën, who squinted her eyes at the tiny screen for a few moments, while sounds of water and two women giggling and screaming was heard. She looked up at the angry Saudi-Russian, and cocked her head to the left.

"Is this wat I think it is?" She asked slowly.
"Yes." Parviz nodded, "They fill them with water and hurl them at each other, in my house. Naked. While I am absent."



(Grin Sorry. I just *HAD* to incorporate condom balloons.)
_________________

Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth.
PostFri Jul 10, 2009 9:35 am
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
Russianmusicandlove

 


Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: ^t.A.T.u.Overlord^

Joined: 07 Oct 2007

Posts: 3041

Post subject: Reply with quote
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO


Grin OMG I am going to fall over from laughing. Beloch and Ya, that was super.


.... LOL
PostFri Jul 10, 2009 10:09 am
View user's profile Send private message
NotGonnaGetUs32

 

Age: 26
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u.Master

Joined: 09 Jul 2007

Posts: 1358

Post subject: Reply with quote
*dies*

JESSIKUH. WAFFLES.

i effing love you.
_________________
PostFri Jul 10, 2009 10:16 am
View user's profile Send private message
volchiseO1

 


Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u. Maniac

Joined: 26 Aug 2008

Posts: 356

Post subject: Reply with quote
...Grin

LMFAO.

Beloch and Jay ftw.
PostFri Jul 10, 2009 11:46 am
View user's profile Send private message
Jan1551

 

Age: 29
Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u.Fanatic

Joined: 01 Mar 2009

Posts: 658

Post subject: Reply with quote
Ya and Belochka, hilarious!!

----------------------------

As Parviz poured his soul out to Dr. Mariën, a different kind of doctor was contacted by a very disgruntled group of fanatical fans. The Tatu.us forumers banded together and decided to rip his balls off. However, they discovered he was actually a she, which caused a less violent approach to the ball ripage....Their method came in the form of a lawsuit.

"WHAT?!?!?! MALPRACTICE?!?!?! " The frantic plastic surgeon looked over the papers filled which came a newly formed lawfirm named 'Waste Management & Co.'. "But I'm the best in the business!" The young surgeon said to herself. She figured there must have been some confusion and called up the lips in question.

"Hello? Who the fuck is it? I'm busy...umm...having a meeting with my bandmate. Serious business."

"I've opened up a new box of condoms!!" Lena yelled from the bathroom in a singsong voice.

"SHHHHH!" Yulia huffed. "Sorry Doc Shan, what's up?"

"Your FANS decided to sue me for 'Damages done to one half of their favorite somewhat lesbian but not really singing group'. Did you put them up to this foolishness? I thought you were happy with the outcome. Your boyfriend liked them. He was more than happy to sign the contract for the nonrefundable payment after I read it to him."

"Hey, I can't control my fans! They hate my lips but that's their problem not mine. I think they look fine, they can't bring me down. Nothing they write affects me." Lena scoffed as she made her way over to the laptop.

"Way to keep your head held high...you know what's great for self-esteem? A new nose!!"

"What?!?!"

"Yes, the reason why your fans are freaking is because your new lips don't match the rest of your face, but that can be fixed with a simple chisel. A couple of taps and you got yourself a Michael Jackson tribute right on your face. I heard about how sad you were when he passed."

"You are out of your fucking MIND! My nose is fine!!"

"Okay okay we could go the Ashlee Simpson route. But Yulia, it's important to understand that we all have flaws! Nobody's perfect." Yulia was about to go into a fit of rage when Lena screamed,

"HOLY SHIT!!!" The red haired woman had a look of complete horror on her face as she stared at the screen.

"What?!?!"

"Somebody...somebody...oh I can't even SAY it....Yulia I don't feel so good." Lena fell out of her chair on to the floor. Volk quickly hung up the phone and ran to the redheads aid. She gently and then harshly slapped the woman's face but it had no effect. She grabbed Lena's nearby lukewarm tea and spit it in her face. Lena woke up shortly thereafter and coughed.

"I'll get you some water."

"VOLKOVA! You got that all backwards. Spit WATER on me and then get me TEA!"

"Hey, it's been a while since you fainted. I blame that strange habit of eating you have recently picked up. Why did you faint anyway?"

"Yulia."

"Yes?"

"Somebody...somebody actually likes your lips."

"WHAT?!"

"Look at the screen."

Yulia read a post from a forumer named Jan1551. She immediately wondered what kind of dumbass advertises that they like a different popstar on a forum devoted to her. The post read:

"I for one think Yulia's lips look FANTASTIC! They look very kissable and pouty. That illiterate man she is with is sooo lucky to be going out with a woman with such great taste in plastic surgeons! I mean what she has accomplished with Yulia's face is nothing sort of a miracle. I not only want to marry Yulia and kill monkey boy, but I also want to have this surgeons children. By the way, I heard this 'Dr. Shan' is having a two for one otoplasty special for the next month. That's TWO ears for the price of one!! What a deal!!!"

"See why I fainted?"

"Well, at least one of our fans has taste." Lena rolled her eyes. Yulia refreshed the page.

"Holy shit! Look at all the responses!!"
_________________
Jan: You are just dishing out the compliments today! *thinks only I get this kind of praise from you*

r.: it's pure love, you dumb slut <3

Hilarious Banner July 30th 2009 - November 5th 2009. R.I.P.


Last edited by Jan1551 on Fri Jul 10, 2009 1:56 pm; edited 2 times in total
PostFri Jul 10, 2009 1:42 pm
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
Russianmusicandlove

 


Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: ^t.A.T.u.Overlord^

Joined: 07 Oct 2007

Posts: 3041

Post subject: Reply with quote
Yes, yes, yes! Grin

I saw you'd posted, and in my head I was all, "Oh let her have contributed something, not just a comment."

Made my day. Thumb
PostFri Jul 10, 2009 1:49 pm
View user's profile Send private message
volchiseO1

 


Gender: Gender:Female
Rank: t.A.T.u. Maniac

Joined: 26 Aug 2008

Posts: 356

Post subject: Reply with quote
As Lena and Yulia quickly read all the new responses, massive chaos erupted on the forum. All the people that had already given their opinion further emphasized their thoughts.

"WTF. This is not PUDDLES." Lena read aloud.

Yulia furled her eyebrows, "Who said that? And what the fuck is 'Puddles?!'"

Shrugging, Lena continued, "The VolchiseO1 kid you liked. And how should I know? Apparently, '...the greatest fan fiction comedy ever written'."

"Oh?" the brunette wondered in intrigue. She stepped closer to the laptop and leaned over Lena's shoulder to read the post.

"But I disagree with you, Jan1551. The lips are by far the weirdest thing I've ever seen Yulia have done! First, the tattoo eyebrows that give off a glare with enough light. Then, the stupid Dangerous and Moving Tour wig. Now, she thinks she looks like the sex because of some added collagen?! Hell no. Dat gurl be trippin'."

"What the fuck?!" Yulia exclaimed. "Who the hell does she think she is? Acting all thug and gangster to sound cool?! Tch, and she's accusing me of looking stupid. For the record, it wasn't my choice to wear the fucking wig."

Lena smirked in triumph, "Toldja she was a bad apple."

And just as the redhead was about to read the next post, they heard a thud outside.

"...What was that?" Lena asked aloud.

"Beats me."

They stood in silence, staring off in the direction of where the sound had come from. Looking at each other, they waited for the other one to do something.

Lena cocked her eyebrow, "Well, aren't you gonna do something about it?"

Yulia turned around and saw no one else was there, "Oh! You're talking to me."

"...Duh," Lena said, now looking towards the sound again.

"Wait, why should I go check? I'm younger and smaller than you are," Yulia smirked, "You could sit on it if it tries to attack us."

Katina's head snapped around, steam practically bursting from her ears, "Are you calling me fat?!"

Yulia realized she had hit a nerve, "Uh...Maybe?"

Appalled at the lack of negation from the person closest to her, Lena yelled, "I'm not fat, Yulia! You know I'm just big-boned!"

A small, animal-cry of pain interrupted their attention on each other again.

Sighing, Yulia said, "Fine, fine. I'll go check." As she approached the sliding door to the backyard, Volkova grabbed a bat that had been leaning on the frame. Lena followed closely behind, turning on the outdoor lights as Yulia stepped out onto the patio.

"What-"

"...the-"

The thing that had caused the thud and had cried out in pain, looked up, holding her ankle, and finished their thoughts, "Fuck!"

Lena and Yulia looked at each other and back at the girl. The brunette, in her feisty nature, approached the intruder, pointing the bat at her face, "Who the hell are you?! And what the hell are you doing in my backyard?!"

"Oh, Christ! Please don't hurt me!" she pointed behind, "I fell from the tree and I think I sprained my ankle."

Lena quickly rushed forth, holding Yulia's arm to keep her from striking.

The girl tried to stand up, but only managed to get on one knee. She sighed, saying, "I'm a fan."

This time, Lena got closer, drawling out the question, "...A...fan...?"

The intruder nodded.

Yulia swung the bat over her own shoulder and stood next to Lena, observing the girl, "What's your name?"

Smiling, the fan said, "You can call me Volchiface."

"As in, VolchiseO1?!"

Volchiface, now grinning, said, "Yup. The one and only."

A million thoughts going through her mind, Lena started rambling, "How the hell did you get here? You just posted! Don't you live in America?! HOW DID YOU GET HERE THIS FAST?! And why are you in the backyard?!"

The fan looked at Lena, her mouth slightly agape at the bombardment of questions, "Uh...Stalking. Just like the rest of us."

"What do you mean 'the rest of us'?" Yulia asked, clearly worried at the fan's choice of words.

Volchiface looked back up at the tree from which she had fallen, "Hey, guys?"

Immediately, the girls' heads shot up. And they just about died when between the foliage, at least 4 or 5 other heads popped out and dropped onto the ground next to the first fan.
PostFri Jul 10, 2009 4:43 pm
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Tatu Forum Index -> Tatu Writing All times are GMT - 5 Hours
Goto page 1, 2, 3 ... 10, 11, 12  Next
Page 1 of 12

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

Google



Theme by: :: Cosmic Distortion ::
Powered by phpBB © 2001 phpBB Group